did I sell out?

on creative validation, indie publishing, & signing a book deal

I think it’s probably a universal truth that creatives need validation. We need external forces to tell us that our work is beautiful and good, because we’re often our own biggest haters. And sometimes we need reminding that what we do is worthwhile. I know I do! Big time!

Now as you may have seen, I just signed a book deal with a UK-based publisher to re-release all seven of my books this fall. And this is after YEARS of dismissing traditional publishing, saying I had no interest in “going trad.”

I love being an indie author. I love doing everything myself. I love being in control, making the decisions, and being my own boss.

But — and this is a big one — it’s very hard for me (I don’t speak for anyone else) to feel validated as an indie author. There are very few milestone achievements you can hit that are recognized widely by the publishing community as a whole. Even the “bestseller” banner on Amazon doesn’t mean anything to a wide swathe of people.

And while I personally am very proud of my achievements, I’m also painfully aware of the fact that many in the industry would look at those achievements as lesser. Many wouldn’t acknowledge them at all. I mean, having a bestselling book on IngramSpark… wtf does that even mean? What is IngramSpark? NOBODY KNOWS.

And let’s not forget that there are MANY many readers who turn up their noses at indie books. Bookstores rarely stock indie books. Most people will never even see your indie book or know it exists. Even other authors might overlook you or not take you seriously because of your self-published status.

And that sucks! It’s disheartening, and it hurts.

Listen, I knew all this going into the indie space. I knew exactly what I was getting into. So none of it shocks or surprises me. But when I received the offer from Penguin Michael Joseph to acquire my books, I was conflicted. Yes, this publishing deal would get my books into bookstores. It would put my books in front of readers who might otherwise have never heard about me.

And on an intangible level, it would give me something to celebrate. A thing I could show the world and say, look, I did it! And they would recognize that thing, and cheer for me.

Honestly, I’ve been a little ashamed to talk about this book deal. I’m worried other indie authors will think I’ve sold out. And if I’m being REALLY honest, I have to admit to myself that the call is coming from inside the house. Do I think I’ve sold out? Am I disappointed with myself for accepting a book deal when I was doing perfectly fine in the self-published space?

Yes, a little bit!

And look — I had many reasons for signing this deal. Some financial, some long-term strategic, some personal. And I would never have signed a contract without trusting that my acquiring editor loved my work and would treat it with respect. The most important thing to me was making sure my books would be handled with care.

But I can’t lie: one of the reasons I signed this contract was because I wanted to feel I had accomplished something that EVERYONE would recognize.

Especially something that young Meg would recognize.

So I signed it!

I’m still an indie author. I’m still self-published in North America and a whole slew of territories across the world. But I’m also, now, a traditionally published author. Hybrid, as they say. The best (hopefully; fingers crossed) of both worlds.

And I’m very proud of that!

I am so proud of the years of hard work I’ve put in. I’m proud of the books I’ve written. I’m proud of my incredible, supportive, wonderful readership. And I’m proud of my book deal. I am proud of my book deal! I feel validated by my book deal!

And that’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Meg x